but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
