Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Randomize
