TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
