i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
