Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
