woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
