Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
