i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
