if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
