Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
