Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
