I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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