I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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