shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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