Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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