whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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