I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
