Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
