So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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