I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize