In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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