he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
