dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
