You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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