Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
