You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
