i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
