I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
