I think my fart just growled at me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
