im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
