How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
