im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
