Me too!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
