what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
