So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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