found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
