my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
