he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
