Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
