is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
