I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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