3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Randomize
