Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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