just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
