i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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