Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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