I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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