She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
