youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
