and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
