we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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