Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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