I think scott just propositioned me for sex
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
