There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
no, he came in my armpit
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
