he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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