On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
